Welcome to GÜNTERVERSE,a universe inspired by Günter

I’m Günter, a German Shepherd. Nice to meet you. I have lived all my life in a human family and still can’t understand the logic of some humans. I hope you will help me to understand it and explain what’s going on and why. Let’s start with the background.

I was born in June 2021. From the very beginning, I had lived with my biological parents and siblings in our Breeder’s place, and when I was 1.5 months old, a married couple adopted me. I remember that pleasant sunny August day booked for my move to a new house. I was scared and hiding under the old bath in the yard, not willing to leave my biological family, but the Breeder promised me that my new parents are nice. She hugged me fondly and told me that these people will take good care of me, and she will be in touch with us.

My new human parents looked strange. My Breeder is a tall, blond, beautiful woman, and I saw completely different guys. A girl, I thought, in her teens, very small, long dark hair, big, very pale green eyes. And a man not so tall but blond, very confident and calm. My Breeder kissed me a proper goodbye, and we sat in the car. The girl took me on her lap, and I felt her smell, which I liked a lot. I also felt a mix of her emotions: excitement with a bit of fear, pure joy, and admiration. She looked at me like I was the greatest prize in her life. It was confusing but very nice.

Riding in the car was great fun. I tried to look in every window, scratched Ma with my claws, and checked how edible the shift lever was. The car clock showed 11 a.m., the weather had been warm and sunny, and the trees were moving their leaves in fresh wind. Pleasant, flowery smell filled my nose. Hmm, maybe it was a good start?

The district my new family lived in was completely different from what I was used to. My siblings and I lived in a house with a yard where we could run and whoof and fight. Here I saw an enormous, strange building with a lot of flats, and the whole yard was full of parked cars. About one dozen trees grew very close to the walls. Excuse me, what to dig here? Asphalt? With my little delicate claws? Is it a joke?

We saw an old man standing near our gate. He laughed and told:

“People create their own problems.”

Stop-stop, what did he mean? Who is the problem here? Not me, obviously?

Don’t panic, I instructed myself. Guys are ok, the neighbor is strange, but who cares, claws will be tough enough for asphalt, it’s time to see my new home and show my new family who is now in charge here now.

Dad opened the door, and here it was… Big noisy trouble that can scare any animal. A small, overexcited, active girl. My tail fell along with my spirit.

That first night, I took revenge for the whole day of hugs, sudden kissing my nose and ears, grabbing my tail, and counting my teeth. My new parents organized a very cool small house full of toys, bearing in mind that I will sleep there. What a naïve family.

I was missing my real mum and even my annoying sister, and I decided that it was not fair to suffer alone. That’s why I started to imitate a wolf howling in the night silence. Dad put a pillow over his head and grumbled:

“Who wanted a dog? Get up and make him shut up!”

A-ha, thanks for choosing my first victim for me. What a nerve of that guy not to adore my creative impulse. Ma took me in her hands and started relaxing murmuring. She even lay on the floor with me because our dictator was against dogs in bed.

Let’s check in a year, bro, how you will not allow me to be in your bed. I bet you will ask me to lie with you every night.

After singing and making a few puddles, I enjoyed a beautiful dawn and decided to sleep. The last thing I saw before falling asleep was my little problem wiping the floor and promising herself not to have kids.

Good job, Günter, very efficient night it was.

This flat was like a prison for me. I was not allowed to walk for the whole month after vaccination, not even go to the toilet outside, I was supposed to use the special diaper. I, a respectable German Shepherd, had to use diapers. What a humiliation.

Even worse – Ma took me for a walk in her hands. Like a helpless cat. I wanted to run, but had to stay in her hands and show my teeth to everyone we met. Patience is absent in my character, but what to do? The only thing I could afford was biting Dad’s legs every time I saw him.

Can you imagine, my confident and calm Dad started to shout at me. Ok, all his socks are clawed to shreds now. Some jeans also. But I was bored, I had to do something. This guy really needs anger management training.

On the other side, Ma and my human sister handled me a thousand times a day, always kissed me, hugged me, petted me. Sometimes they irritated me to death. I am going with my own business, and suddenly they stop me and start to kiss my nose. Seems that they never heard about personal boundaries.

Despite all these little issues, I became used to my new life and new family, and I thought I was lucky.

After a month of imprisonment, I was finally allowed to go for a walk. So many things I wanted to explore, I just had to decide what to begin with.

Oh, it was cold outside. And some drops of water were falling on my coat. But behind our building, there was a huge playground partially covered with grass, partially equipped with kids’ stuff. There were also a lot of trees, all different but very beautiful. Their colors varied from light green to lemon yellow, bright red, and warm brown. I was overwhelmed with smells and shining beauty. Some leaves were on the ground, and it was very funny to run and jump on them. There were also some birds I tried to catch, so small but so fast. I wish I could fly like them. For sure, they see all these beautiful surroundings from the height better than me. One day, I catch the bird, and it will tell me about all the things I am missing here.

Unfortunately, I had to wear a collar and leash, which reduced my speed and freedom. I can’t understand why it was obligatory to put them on, but I saw even big dogs in collars walking with leashes. What’s the reason for this strange rule? I don’t want to bite anybody. Maybe all these strangers are dangerous for me, and leash shows them that I am not alone, I am protected by my parents. Whatever. It was too interesting outside to get upset about silly problems.

“Günter! It’s time to go home”, told Ma.

Already? Can’t I walk all day? It’s a pity.

A few days later, I got acquainted with a seven-month-old Shiba Inu puppy.

His name was Jack, and his Ma Alina was tall and beautiful. What’s wrong with my Mum? People thought I was walking with a child.

One more annoying thing: Jack could lift his leg like a grown-up. And I couldn’t do it yet.

Ok, but I am bigger. We started to play and run with him, trying to catch each other. It was very funny. That dog was fast, but I was designed in Germany, so I knew I could win the race.

What a pleasure to roll on the grass! It was so soft and comfy. Also, it was good to have such a cool new friend to play with.

One day, we were playing and biting each other in a playful manner. And I bit him under the tail by accident. He made such an ultrasound scream that I was paralyzed with fear. So, I ran from him as fast as I could. After a few minutes of running, I understood that I was on my own, without Mum, and panicked even more. What to do? Where am I? Where is my Mum?

I was running and meeting strangers and running until I found myself in my own yard. Wow, am I a superman? Even in panic, my nose led me home. Good job. So, all I need to do is wait for my Mum here. After all, she found me, and she looked much more terrified than I was. Her eyes were so wide they occupied half of her face. Poor old Mum.

Just out of interest, what is with Jack? Is he ok?

“Jack is ok, walking and running, don’t worry”, told Ma.

She can read my mind! She has a superpower, too!

It’s time to retell where we live. It’s a big district divided into at least twenty quarters. There are multi-store buildings standing so close to each other that sometimes it’s hard to breathe. Usually, these buildings are long and have at least seven gates. Cars are parked everywhere. But in advantage I want to mention that there are also a lot of trees and shrubs, many of them are flowering, for example, lilac, which smells wonderful. Near the gates, old women often plant flowers; it seems like they have a contest to see who has the most beautiful and colorful flower beds.

In the middle of our quarter, there is a “field” which is supposed to be a place for walks with dogs. There is literally nothing in this field, grass only, but despite it, it’s nice to have a place where dogs can run and play. There are also a lot of little parks for children with swings, merry-go-rounds, hills, animal statues, etc. In my mind, it’s out of balance; humans can organize some equipped playgrounds for dogs, too. And to tell the truth, I am afraid of children. They are too noisy, too active, too unpredictable. And I always bark and show my teeth when I see a child to warn: don’t come closer, I can protect myself from you. Strange that Mum is getting angry with me. Forewarned is forearmed.

Oh, I forgot to mention the mothers of these children. When they see me, they react like they've met a tyrannosaur. Screaming, running… Crazy women. Classic dialog I have with them:

“Look! Look at this monster! He will bite my baby and eat me!”

Sorry, Madam, such fat meal like you is unappetizing to me. And your baby, who is covered with snot, also, I try to eat salt-free food.

In such situations, I usually roll my eyes and stay confident, because I feel that Mum is on my side. Honestly, Mum is the best woman I know.

Another place intended for dogs is a one-kilometer-long path surrounded by trees on the south side of our quarter. It’s close to the roadway, and usually there are no children on this path.

Probably the district we live in was not designed for German Shepherds, but I like it very much. Especially in the morning when there is dew on the grass, and the air is so fresh and smells so delicious that you feel like you can drink it. The sky is pale pink, transparent blue, and clementine in the sunrise. Fluffy white clouds look like big happy poodles. It’s difficult to stop looking at the sky and concentrate on my morning tasks.

My main morning task is the toilet. You can ask what the problem is; it’s easy and takes less than one minute.

Unfortunately, no. It’s a huge challenge for me. I need to find a place protected from rain and wind, where nobody can see me, nobody can hear me, not too cold and not too hot, with grass soft enough for my paws. It’s obvious that I always spend a lot of time looking for such a place, and my parents are starting to lose their patience. Dear parents, it is what it is, just take it.

In the morning, we walk for five to fifteen minutes because my parents need to work. It’s enough for me to tell hello to everyone and sniff all my territory.

It goes without saying that our flat is my territory also. Mom told me that she bought this flat specifically to adopt me. And everything in it is new, all furniture and household appliances, walls, and doors. Mum wanted me to bite new things, not something old and stinky. Mum cares about me a lot. Our flat has two rooms; my parents and I live in the biggest one, and Zhenya lives in the small room. The flat is about fifty square meters. We also have a small hall, toilet, tiny bathroom, and big, bright kitchen. I think every designer can be freaked out by the description of our flat, because it’s pretty unique, and I am proud of it.

The kitchen is my favorite place. Except for all standard furniture and equipment for cooking, there is a little sofa, very cozy and comfy. Colors here are soft and pleasant: one wall and the tabletop look like wood, and three other walls are covered with almost white wallpaper with small white bricks. Cabinets are mint green, I love this color; the table and chairs are simple and white. It’s a very nice and relaxing atmosphere here, no whoofing room. Most of all, I prefer to lie on the sofa and monitor Mum’s hands when she is cooking. She often gives me something delicious – a bell pepper or a cucumber. It can happen that I am daydreaming, and a piece of tomato falls on my nose. This place is a fairytale.

According original parents’ plan, I was supposed to share a room with Zhenya like true brother and sister. The cute doghouse was staying in her room for two weeks until I destroyed it with my teeth. Zhenya’s room is pretty, with very pale purple walls, delicate sandy furniture, and a big window. The problem is I need to sleep when I want, and Zhenya is too noisy. And it was reasonable to occupy the parents’ room. Dad calls our room a football fan’s dream. Wallpaper has the color of a bright green football field, and all furniture is white like field marking. Only the sofa is gray. During the day parents' bed transforms to so-called wardrobe; at night, they drop the bed, and I can hide under it. This bed-transformer surprised me until Mum explained that it is the best option to enlarge space when your flat is tiny. I think it’s a great idea. There is a balcony, but I am not allowed to go there until it’s fully renovated. All our windows look out to the courtyard with a children’s playground and a variety of trees. From May till October, you can’t see anything except trees from the window, bright little leaves in spring, tight green leaves curtain in summer, motley beauty of leaves in the fall. This view makes you enjoy and relax; it is very pleasant for the eyes. German Shepherd eyes for sure, and I believe it applies to human eyes too, because I often see every member of my family staring into the windows.

The funniest part of our flat is the hall. One wall is blue, and the opposite wall has pictures from the Disney movie “The Lion King”. I watched it with Zhenya on her PC. Strange choice for the hall, such wallpaper suits children's space more. I was sniffing the wall so often that Mum felt I needed some comments about it.

“I adore Pumba. Every family has debates making renovation and discussing design, colors, and all other details of their homes. I told George that I want to see Pumba on the wall. He promised to cover one wall with Pumba pictures if I find such wallpaper. He was sure that it was impossible. Ha-ha. I am stubborn like a flock of sheep, and of course, I found it. Now we have Pumba in the hall, and these pictures make me smile every single day. And I don’t care who thinks what about it.”

A-ha, what a crazy independent woman. A few days after I started to smile, looking at Pumba with my Mom. After all, Pumba is a respected wild boar.

Our flat is small and has untypical design, and it gives me a feeling of joy, freedom, and independence. This look improves my mood. Mum is absolutely right, our flat is designed for our family and reflects our preferences (may be strange), and who cares what other people think about it?

Besides a doghouse, hairbrush, and other “useful” stuff, my parents bought me toys. Mickey Mouse, Minnie Mouse, a piece of rope, and my first ball. Zhenya also gave me a few of her soft toys. It’s good to have your own toys and not to share them with siblings.

Happy and overwhelmed, I destroyed soft toys in five minutes. Zhenya was offended, Mum was upset, and the floor was covered with padded polyester. I was very excited rolling on it.

“Günter, I will NEVER give you my toys again!”

Don’t worry, I can take them without your permission.

“Günter, who will clean the floor?”

Are you blind, woman? I have paws. You will, it goes without saying.

“Which idiot gave the puppy soft toys?”

Man, please stop this drama.

Dad likes to play with a rope. We pull the rope to find out who is the strongest. These minutes I feel myself huge and dangerous animal, and I really enjoy this game. Until Dad lifts me with the rope, of course. Yes, it is sad to admit, but this man is much stronger than me. I hope it will not last forever. It’s pretty annoying to be a tiny puppy whom everyone can lift whenever they want. Especially if inside you consider yourself a lion.

Nibbling toy mice is such a pleasure for my teeth. They both already have two and a half ears. I can’t understand why Mum is upset about it. What’s wrong? What was I supposed to do with them? Look at them or talk with them, and wait when they talk back?

“You know, Günter, it always makes me upset when somebody destroys toys or other things. They are rather expensive, and we do not have enough money to buy toys every month.”

Perhaps I am young and have little experience, but in my opinion, a family of four with two adults who are working hard every day can afford toys. It turned out that things were more complicated than I expected.

“Günty, I have two diplomas, two jobs, and also savings since I was eighteen. In comparison with others, our income is ok. It covers food, flat payments, necessary clothes, school stuff for Zhenya, and medicines. Sometimes traveling, toys, and entertainment. If you need more details, I will explain later when you are an adult dog.”

Hmm. Something is not right here. Need to make an economic investigation and check Mum’s profit and loss report. We need toys and need traveling, so some actions definitely should be taken here. A bit later, firstly, I have to know my family better.

They use my toys to train me. Something like bring it, give it to me, fetch, and so on.

The most unpleasant part of training is learning the word “NO”.

Here is the method. They put a toy and let’s say a boot in front of me. I am sniffing both, and they say “YES” if I take a toy, and “NO” in case of the boot. Strange process, otherwise, I agree that the word “NO” is important for everyone. We need to protect our boundaries and understand when we are crossing the line. A lot of people have issues with it and can’t identify either their own boundaries or others’ boundaries. Dogs are smarter. We can just lift the leg, and everything will be clear for everybody. And I am surprised to discover that some humans can’t accept the word “NO”, for example, Zhenya. I think she could join our training.

To be fair, both my parents understand the sense of the word “no” and treat others with respect. I started to copy them after destroying a few socks and the boot shelf. The boot shelf had smelled so nice I couldn’t stop myself from chewing it. Parents even bought a special spray with citrus that was supposed to protect the shelf from me. It’s a pity I am more than tolerant of fruits and vegetables; citrus is not a problem for me. Except for these small accidents, after a few weeks, I started to respect the word “NO” and family rules. No chewing on boots, it hurts my feelings, but I accept it.

Ok, what I want to tell. For me, it’s not ok if other people start to explain to our family what we should and what we should not do. Often when we walk with Mum, some fat lady or drunk gentleman tells us that this dog is too huge for Mum and a German shepherd should live in the yards of private houses. It’s good that Mum can show them that she doesn’t care. It’s not normal to intrude on somebody’s private life with a piece of advice.

“You'd better make another baby, a brother or sister for Zhenya, than this enormous stinky monster”, told one of our neighbors.

“Thank you so much, you cannot be more helpful. An opinion of the man who has no family, takes a shower once a month, and drinks beer from early morning every day is very important for my husband and me.” That’s my girl!

And this guy stinks so much that my delicate nose feels really damaged. Probably, he should first solve his own issues and then advise?

Or the teachers. Zhenya’s teachers, I mean. They always tell Mum (who is an adult woman herself) how she should raise her own child. Once during a walk, I shared my thoughts with Jack, and he answered:

“Man, you are too young. You get used to it later. Fortunately, there is no TV at your place. When my Dad turns it on, I feel pain in my ears from all that bullshit they show on the screen.”

What’s wrong with this world? Whom to trust in case even TV shows bullshit? Seems like nobody except your family.

Ok, I will grow up and make a better world.

A few weeks passed, and there was time to visit the vet for vaccination. The first vaccination was made when I was a tiny puppy, and I don’t really remember it. That’s why I can’t imagine what it will be like.

“George, I am afraid. My little puppy will be in pain, he will be crying, I will be crying, finally we will fight the vet.”

“He will be fine. He will not notice one tiny injection, calm down.”

“You have no heart.”

“Don’t panic, Sonya. You will scare Günty.”

Now I feel panic too. I walked slowly behind my parents, estimating my perspectives.

The smell in this building was disgusting. Cats in cat carriers started to hiss at me. Don’t worry, little witches, I don’t eat cats.

It was so silent there, and everybody was tensed from waiting. The receptionist told me that I am too big for three months. She is also too big for her thirties, but here we are.

I started to tremble from Mum’s heavy sighs. I saw other dogs forced to enter this room, and their zero desire to meet the vet was very visible on their faces. Bad sign.

Finally, we entered the vet’s room. The lady looked friendly and a bit scared, too.

“Can he bite?”

Are you a real vet or have you bought your diploma on the internet? Of course I can, look at my teeth.

Dad reassured her, and she started the examination. Teeth, tail, paws, eyes, temperature, weight… Everything was ok. German quality, you know. Then my Mom stopped to breathe and became paler. What has the vet found? Third eye on my back? Any sign of a dangerous disease?